Realization

I've had a horrible few days. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

I binged like there was no tomorrow, honestly. I feel so disgusting and full of junk that I can't even stand it. I think I gained a couple of pounds but I don't want to step onto the scales, there's going to be some awful number there that's going to make me cry.

Yesterday was a bit of a turn around, I was shopping - therefore walking around, albeit slowly - for 6 hours, so hopefully that burned off some calories. I'm going to a concert tonight and I've only eaten about 400 calories so far today, and I'm guessing I'll burn around 500/600 calories tonight so hopefully it'll improve my average intake for this week, even though it's pretty much dead.

I just haven't had the motivation to blog. My dad's been completely awful to my mum, he made her cry one night over the phone and he didn't even feel badly about it. I felt like slapping him. Apart from that I was so ashamed of how badly I ate this weekend especially.

That is NEVER going to happen again, EVER. Losing control isn't worth it. While it happens it just snowballs, and you're so weak you don't even know how to stop.
I started making a book of thinspiration on Saturday. I've got about 20 A5 pages so far, pictures taken out of fashion magazines mostly, and it's just there to remind me to stay in control when I don't have my computer in front of me.
I'm just worried I won't hit my goal of double figures by my birthday, which is in 2 weeks.

I hope all you girls have done better than I have. Sending you skinnies. x